The 3 Commandments of First Dates


If you are not going to commit to the three commandments you might as well not go on a date.

So you’re headed out on a first date – this can be make or break. These three commandments are imperative if you want to make a connection with the person you’re out on a date with.

The First Commandment is positive body language. We don’t consciously notice body language but our reptile mind does so make sure you are exhibiting welcoming body language and keep track of your date’s body language too. You want open and welcoming body language, especially if you are feeling nervous or shy (and wish you didn’t) because the mind affects the body and…the body affects the mind.

You want to lean into your date and angle yourself to them. Are you close to each other? Can you “melt the ice” and break the physical barrier? Consider where your eyes are looking and how your arms and hands are placed.

The Second Commandment is one we’ve talked about before – flirting on the first date is not an option. Of course, if you are on the date and decide this was not a good idea, please do not feel obligated to flirt but if you’re keen and want to see their romantic potential and you want them to see your own romantic potential you have to treat the date like a date. And what do we do on a date? We flirt.


Many people tell me they can’t flirt on a first date. It’s too much too soon. But it’s not. Flirting is being playful, thoughtful, and fun. Nothing more, nothing less. So, if you consider flirting in the context of being playful, thoughtful, and fun you’ll see that there’s nothing to be scared of.

The last commandment is meaningful and deep conversation. You don’t want to talk about work or your last holiday or your favourite band. You may love the same TV show or have relatives who live in the same city but finding out you have common ground, while nice, doesn’t remotely resemble great conversation and therefore it won’t make the other person say, “I can’t wait to see you again.”

Great conversation is all about asking meaningful questions, sharing personal details via storytelling, and listening attentively.

Good luck.


SocietyFred Kirby