The Fundementals of First Date Flirting


When you go on a date, you’re there to see if romance is possible. And if you want to see their romantic potential and want them to see yours, you’ll have to treat the date like a date. And what do we do on a date? We flirt like rabbits on the apocalypse.

Too much too soon?

A lot of people tell me the first date is too early for flirting. No, my dear, it’s actually the best time for flirting. Flirting is about being playful, thoughtful, and fun and guess what? It’s never too early to be playful, thoughtful, and fun.

All you need is one step in the right direction

Often people ask, how do I start flirting? Doctors’ mantra when prescribing medicine is “start low, go slow” and that’s what your mantra should be too. Take a deep breath and flirt a little, just enough to give a signal to the other person that there is interest and to show them they have permission to flirt with you too. Making the first move and flirting is undoubtedly the hardest part because we have this deeply ingrained fear of rejection as well as a fear of doing something inappropriate. But someone’s gotta do it and it might as well be you because if you both sit there waiting for the other to start you’ll never get anywhere.

Some Golden Routines

Flirting covers a wide spectrum, from paying your date a compliment; asking thoughtful questions; and offering welcoming body language; right through to playful teasing; making a joke or two (who doesn’t like to see a beautiful woman laugh?); acting coy; and of course breaking the physical barrier – yes this means a little touching, just don’t pull a Louis C.K., no one needs that.  Yes, I want you to touch on the first date – I’m not suggesting you give each other a foot massage, all I’m suggesting is something benign like a touch on the shoulder, upper arm, lower arm or leg.

The Importance of Being Flirty
So why the importance of flirting? It’s because flirting suggests greater intimacy than the actual relationship. You are both suggesting greater intimacy because you want there to be greater intimacy and you’re trying to figure out if your date reciprocates that interest. Flirting also shows there are different versions of yourself. Think about the ‘good guys’. They’re great friends and will make great husbands and dads but often they have a difficult time getting the girl because they don’t know how to show they would make a great lover and/or partner. Flirting lets your date see you in the role of lover and/or partner before committing to anything.

Part of the reason you ‘start low, go slow’ is so you have the capacity to be aware how your date reacts to your flirting – do they welcome it? Reject it? Do they flirt too? Their reaction will guide you. If they reciprocate you can keep on going but if they don’t reciprocate you need to dial it down. Reciprocity is key.

There’s Never a Point of No Return
Remember, just because you flirted doesn’t mean you need to follow through. You are under no obligation to do anything and, on the other hand, you have no right to expect something from your date even though they flirted earlier on. This is because people are allowed to change their mind. If in doubt of your date’s intent or interest, just ask. It has to be fun for both of you or it’s no fun at all.


SocietyFred Kirby