The Do’s and Don’ts of Flirting


 Love can make us do crazy things and every person, at one time another, has played the fool. In addition, times have changed, society has evolved, and those primitive flirting tactics your grandfather used to win your grandma’s heart are already outdated. Tony Logan gives us some modern flirting do’s and don’ts that will help you hone your game.


Eye Contact

Before Tinder and the other swipe apps that followed, the only way you could tell if you had the slightest chance of making a move was by the look in her eyes. Her look either gave you an invitation or denial, but either way you had a pretty good idea where you stood. Now, before you go casting your eyes across a sea of women, you first must understand the method and process. Making effective eye contact will be more successful in an intimate setting such as a café, bookstore or a lounge bar than it will be across a busy club dancefloor. Once the appropriate scene is set, it’s time to put your eyes to work.


If the both of you have been innocently stealing glances at one another, it’s time for you to step up to the plate. Set the tone by lifting your eyes to make direct eye contact and hold your stance for at least ten seconds. Don’t be afraid to add in a warm smile to complement your gesture. If she’s the slightest bit interested or impressed by your bold stance, she will smile back and if you are fortunate, maybe wave you in for a landing.


However, the perfectly innocent gesture of a sizzling stare can turn bad in a blink of an eye (pun intended) if you don’t take time to analyze a few things. First, pay attention to the vibes and the situation. If you’re both dishing glances back and forth, then there might be a connection, but a connection doesn’t necessarily mean she wants company, so don’t jump to that conclusion. If you get the sense that she’s inviting you to come over, make sure she’s alone. Nothing is worse than building up the courage to make a move only to discover the guy that’s sitting next to her on his phone playing Fortnite is her husband. Gentlemen, proceed with caution.


Sense of Humor

So, your friendly eye contact and a smile got you an official invitation to meet the woman of your dreams. Well done! Now, the real work begins, but play it cool - you made it this far for a reason. After formal introductions are made the ball is once again back in your court. Meeting someone for the first time can be intimidating, uncomfortable and even off-putting if their personality is bland. To keep her from losing interest while remaining comfortable, you have to infuse humor into the mix. Laughing is one of the best ways to make anyone relax and feel at ease, and it also shows you can be witty. I’m not saying you should use this opportunity to create a Netflix comedy special but instead use humor to reveal intimate experiences and events in your life that you usually wouldn’t talk about. Emotion and humor can take you a long way. 


The phrase “comedic timing” is what separates the funny guys from the pathetic guys; timing is everything. Listen carefully to what she’s saying and more importantly how she’s saying it. If she reveals a super embarrassing college story about herself and if you have a story that’s comedy gold based on a similar experience, tell it! Never pass up a good moment to tell a great joke or story but just don’t go into a 30-minute spill. The great comedians know how to tell a joke and wait for the crowd to respond. 


One of the hardest things about having a great sense of humor is once you’re on it’s hard to turn it off. It’s like having a hot hand in poker, and you can’t lose! In this situation, I advise only to use your sense of humor sparingly. That means you don’t have to tell a joke every five seconds to avoid an awkward moment of silence. This will only reveal that you’re a guy she can’t seriously converse with without having a joke to lighten the mood. The goal is to use humor to help her feel at ease so you two can connect and discover more about each other. Again, do not use this opportunity to try out new material - save that for Instagram live. 



Give a Compliment… That’s Genuine

The next step is where 90% of guys usually sabotage themselves, and it’s because most men don’t know how to give a sincere compliment. Instead, we either say something that’s flirtatious or sexist that we – and we alone – we perceive as a compliment. So, how do you give a genuine compliment? Well, I hate to state the obvious, but it must be genuine. An honest and genuine compliment goes beyond the superficial and speaks to something you admire or respect about the person. I’m sure you can find many things that may catch your attention but don’t settle on the obvious; genuinely listen to find something that connects and if you can’t find anything that’s fine as well! A shallow compliment is far worse than a compliment never given.


There is a false notation that every woman loves compliments, and I’m here to expose that lie. Women love the right compliments coming from the right guy. Your attention to detail and listening skills will be put to the test for your compliment to be effective and genuine. Therefore, choose your compliments wisely without going overboard and also explain why you’re giving the compliment. For example, if you always wanted to travel overseas and you find out she has lived and traveled abroad, a compliment you can say might be “I admire the fact that you have travel so often and how you’re so diverse in different cultures. I always wanted to do that. How was the experience?” This show you actually are listening, and you’re interested to hear more about the experience. 


The challenging thing about compliments is that even if they are genuine and honest, so many things can intrude that deflect the whole thing! One being your facial expression, the other your body language. Your facial expression should be cool and calm and body language neutral. Giving a slight grin or moving your hands awkwardly when giving a compliment can disrupt your delivery. Also, compliments should come at a modest pace. If you’re dropping a compliment every ten seconds in the conversation your compliments lose credibility and may reveal that you’re a little obsessed, which is creepy.


I’m proud to say that if you passed these three stages, you are effectively flirting. Hopefully, by the end of the night, you two can exchange numbers and actually set up a real date, where you must prove yourself all over! However, at least this time, you got a taste of what you can expect going forward. 


How ToFred Kirby